road to recovery...

i dnt abuse drugs i dnt abuse alcohol

so why title this a road to recovery?
the thing about recovery doesnt always
mean the worse, which is what people 
would automatically assume as soon as 
i say that... but my recovery is life.

im trying to put the pieces in my life back together. With
the disregard of self respect i let life have its way with me
allowing it to turn into the most unwanted situations
from getting kicked out of the house recently. Having my mother
not speak to me, my grandmother not being able to stand me
half the time and me being a burden in her life and added stress.
Although somethings are out of my control the things in my 
control i let take over me and played an equal road in all these
situations.

I realize that I have a tendency to be the victim, when i certain 
cases I am with reason. But I have to put an end to it and put my
wall back up allowing no vulnerability. I have become to open
to pain and allowed to reinsert itself into unhealed wounds, which 
causes my breakdowns and crying. I DO NOT LIKE CRYING AS 
MUCH AS I HAVE BEEN RECENTLY. 

At this point in time half the bullshit that im going through needs
to end within me first and with time it will end with others. I'm just
trying and wanting to piece back my life together, push my reset button
from where I am. Wake up and be able to face myself in mirror with a smile
although everyday wont be like this, I have to start with this frame of mind and
relax and be able to let the pains of yesterday out...